I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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