Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize