Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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