Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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