When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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