Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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