Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize