Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
