i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
