He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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