We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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