i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
