Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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