So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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