Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
