you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
