Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
