It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
