He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
