Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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