yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
