I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
