I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
