Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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