im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
