What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
