Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
