Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize