I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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