Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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