1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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