You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
