Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
