I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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