worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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