i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
