so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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