I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
