I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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