and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
