Swine flu. Run for my life!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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