So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This is classic penis vs brain.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize