Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize