Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
operation harelip BJ is a go
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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