I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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