dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize