Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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