Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize