just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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