I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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