i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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