New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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