Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
