he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
