Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
