There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would fuck him just for his dog
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