So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
