Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
