Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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