Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
