Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize