i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
