i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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