then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
