i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
last night I used snow as a chaser
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
