Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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