You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
whose parrot is this?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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